The Hag is taking over

Over the past few weeks I have come to the realization that I am turning into a bitter, hateful, judgmental, overly opinionated hag!!!!  And the bad part is I could care less. The wicked witch is taking over and I am embracing her with love and contentment.  Why?  I am not fully certain, I think much of it is that I am so disgusted with the way so many people my age choose to live their lives.  Well not only people my age but just people in general who choose to create a bubble of oblivion around them.  Why are so many people so dang naive?  I am completely amazed each and every day, mainly at my place of employment, how small minded people can truly be.  The more I am around this behavior the more my heart hags out. How can you expect culture, diversity, enrichment to flood into your life if you embed yourself in the same areas for school and work?  Then again how do I know that these people want that in their life?  Just because I do doesn't hold true for others.  I can't imagine being in a box, I was not raised that way and I have not lived my life that way.  I am always rambunctious, on the move, trying new things, new places, new people.  Granted I am still in the same city I grew up in, I have lifted my roots several times, I just realized there really is no place like home.  I love my family to much to be away from them.  But I feel I have and continue to grow and learn, if we stop growing and learning we cease to exist in my opinion.  And since this is my blog I will blast it all out!! 

That being said brings me to another topic... politics.... I can hear the screams! I am not a political buff whatsoever.  I rarely get into discussions because I am not that schooled in the matter, I read articles about current events, but don't delve much further than that.  It is confusing and gets me all worked up.  I do enjoy broadening my scope of the subject though, it is nice to know what is going on and where I choose to post my flag.  This whole mosque building event has everyone in a complete state of uproar.  I have to say I am opposed to it.  Not because I don't think that the Muslim community should be chastised for the events that occurred but simply because they could build it somewhere else. Somewhere that doesn't sting the hearts of the entire state of New York, specifically the residents of New york city who were forced to watch the horror unfold on their streets.  As Americans we all felt the grief of 9/11 but sitting on our couches watching from the comfort of our homes, while those people were standing in the dust of the building, digging people dead and alive from the rubble, attempting to pick up the pieces.  If the Muslim community wanted to rebuild their name and reconnect I just don't think this is the way. 


I feel like I am turning into my mother more and more and it scares the crap out of me.

Also, thank God for spell check.. this would have been a hot mess without it!!!

So you want to be a single mom?

In light of recent trash magazine articles talking about Jennifer Aniston wanting to pursue motherhood alone I got to thinking how absolutely crazy she is.  Bill O'Reily publicly attacked her for her wishes and she bit  back stating something to the effect that women no longer have to wait for a man to have a child, science has provided us with ways to reproduce and this is what she is choosing.  Two words for this deranged woman...GOOD LUCK!  Parenting is not meant to be a one sided ordeal and it is not meant to be weathered alone.  As the world should have many have and are doing it this way but it is a constant uphill battle and as a single mother myself one that I feel I am constantly slidding down rather than progressing upward.  Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, I am accepting my role and trying to do the best I can alone.  The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is more true than I could have ever realized.  I am alone in a sense I do not have a significant other in the picture to enjoy this experience, to nuture Hannah, to watch her grow, to laugh with me, to cry with me, to scream with me.  But I am by no means making it by myself, my family has sacrificed their time and money and sanity to help me raise this little girl. 

I guess my point to all of this is I personally from experience think it is crazy to just decide to have a kid by yourself. It is supposed to be a team effort and joint decision, granted there are situations where it happens without planning and the persons involved then make a decision to go it alone, but to intentionally stand up and say I am going to be a mom by myself is absurd.  This is not a lifestyle or choice to be envied, admirable as it is to see a parent taking on the brunt of the responsibilites by themselves it is not how this whole gig is supposed to work.

In my rambling I am not sure if any of that made sense but it is just what is in my head at the moment and I needed to rant.

Ms. Aninston I wish you well in your journey of motherhood... I am certain your levels of stress will be somewhat minimal due to the fact you can and will hire a full time nanny to raise your child.  People and US Weekly will photograph you going to the park and dote on what a wonderful mother you are.....  you will sing a different tune I assure you, not publicly, but you will.

Because Spandex Looks Good on You...

Has life really affected me so much I can't even post a blog???  Where has the time gone?  It has been almost a year since my last post which makes me sad because I love to blog.

Oh well enough of that.  So, what is new?  Well not a whole lot to be honest. Still trying to get through school which seems like a never ending climb up a mountain that continues to become ever steeper. Still, 18 months from Sept and I will, I repeat, I WILL have a bachelors in HR.  I don't even want to say the word Grad School at this point, that is becoming a topic of blasphemy in my life! 

My daughter never ceases to amaze me.  One moment she is adorable, cracking up, dancing, making face, and then next she is lying on the floor screaming her lungs out, kicking, pinching, biting.  This makes for interesting moments at the Nano house and tests the restraints of my patience to the extremes.  If parenthood is good for nothing else it is a test of inner calm in the midst of a terrible two's tantrum.  I am learning to find different outlets for myself to teach and redirect the attention of an almost 2 year old.  She keeps me on my toes and helps me find the joy in the smallest of things.

I recently completed an event that I have been dreaming about since I was a little girl.  I would sit at home and watch Iron Man races and get chills; I never dreamed I would participate in a Triathalon!  Though it wasn't a full fledged Tri it was an amazing experience and I am a better person for checking this item off of my bucket list.  My sister and some great friends were able to participate in this event with me as well and I think we all had feelings of great accomplishment. It was all women, a lot of encouragment, and more spandex than I ever care to see in one place at one time. And yet everyone looked amazing!!! It is hard to see women pushing themselves and cheering others on all the while and look bad doing it.  I can't wait to get a GOOD bike and go for a second one!!!!

Other than that life is constant.....I have no reason not to keep a smile on my face. 

The intimacy of a Blog

I recently realized how much thought I put in to titles... of anything, poems, stories, papers, blogs... I have to have a title before I can start writing. I feel I need something to center my thoughts around I suppose. I have been known to go back and change a title once the writing has ceased, however it is rare that I just start flowing without a title at the top of the page. With that out of the way, I was pondering what I would say if certain people asked to read my blogs. I realized how personal blogs can be... I guess they are like internet journals, but the intensity I put into some of my posts I would not want to share with everyone. So weird to think when I am blasting this out for God only knows who. Probably not as many people as I think, which is fine with me, I suppose I write more as a source of venting as opposed to humoring or inspiring others. I would like to think that my writing would be interesting enough to have a repeat following if one decided to browse through and stumble upon Ms. Mofo.

Onto a completely different course, isn't it strange how in our days of growth we begin to realize that the relationship foundation we once thought we had with a close relative has never been what was thought to be. This person has in a sense held you back and at this point you have become so blanketed with fear you have no escape. Not so much physical fear, but the fear of a collapse. Fear that the relationship would crumble and there would be no way to dig out of the ruble. Maybe this is just what the relationship needs? A confrontation, but how to go about it? A person you once thought you entrusted so much in and now have come to realize you entrust nothing to this person. This person holds none of your secrets, knows few of your dreams, of your loves, passions, needs. I would think it is worth it to rebuild, start somewhere and try to have a foundation, even a mountain of a relationship with this person. Well maybe not a mountain rather a vault. Vaults are safer than mountains... maybe not as beautiful, but much more reliable.

.....

Did that really happen?
Things begin to go your way
Your head is held higher
Your smile lasts longer
Your heart flutters
then
Silence
Now what?
Patience
Hope
Faith

Patience is a virtue that I have a very hard time slowing down for. I prefer the I want it now option in most things, this generally leads to trouble, why hasn't the lesson been learned????

Things happen for a reason at the right time... not when we want them to or expect them to.... just wait it out little girl!!!

Dreaming of Revelry

First off let me say that Kings of Leon hats off to you gentlemen.... it isn't often you can go to a concert and the band sounds better live than they do on c.d. but these guys were phenomenal to say the least. Not only that but the crowd there was amazing as well. I was very impressed with OKC. I had no idea it was such a happening little place. I am pretty certain in my vodka and redbull induced stuper I fell in love with no less than 4 men! A very liberating experience. I was able to share time with a friend and really grow to know them as a person... a true priceless experience had in an expensive weekend! Things to commemorate this fantastic weekend:
King of Leon (enough said there)
Sky Bar
A beautiful bartender
The foreign boy who stole my heart
The shower of dreams
The shower of dreams again
A 3lb baked potato
Cheever's
Chicken and Waffles (delicious)
coffee,cream,splenda
6 hours of drive time with no need for a radio


In lue of the concert, fall, and thoughts weighing on my heart I will close with some beautiful lyrics from KOL:

What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine
With the fire in my bones And the sweet taste of kerosene
I get lost in the night so high don't wanna come down
To face the loss of the good thing that I have found
Woo hoo hoooo
Woo hoo hoooo
In the dark of the night I can hear you calling my name
With the hardest of hearts, I still feel full of pain
So I drink and I smoke and I ask you if your ever around
even though it was me who drove us right into the ground
See the time we shared it was precious to me
But all the while I was dreaming of revelry
Gonna run baby run like a stream down a mountainside
With the wind in my back I wont ever even bat an eye
Just know it was you all along that had a hold of my heart
But the demon in me was a best friend from the start
So the time we shared it was precious to me
All the while I was dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
And I told myself oh the way you go
it rained so hard it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me
In the back of the woods, in the dark of the night
Palest pale of the old moonlight
Everythings just felt so incomplete
Dreaming of revelry

To sugar or not to sugar.....

The epitome of adulthood for me has always been black coffee. I have thought that once I reached the point in my life where I could drink coffee black and truly enjoy it, then I would be a full fledged adult. I was always mesmerized by the Folger's commercials as a youngster and would sing the chorus "It's Folgers in your hup" What a hup was I have no idea, but that is how I liked to sing a long, and I recollect my father not letting me have a cup of joe until I sang the song correctly. Who gives a child coffee???? A braver man that I will be with little mama I assure the audience.

As of now I am still approximatley two equal packets away from adulthood. Pretty scary to realize actually. I wonder if adulthood will feel differently? Will I suddenly have a visible sign of it, or will it just be an innerpeace type of thing? Dear Jesus just don't let it require bad shoes or mom jeans!!