Do I fight it?

After a few weekends of crazy happenings it has lead me to try to recalculate my bearings on my life. I had been on a pretty clear headed track of life... focused, determined, set.... Don't get me wrong I am still plugging along finishing school and kicking it's behind in the process. I have come to far now to give up that dream, what I am implying or questioning rather is have I crossed back over to the days of old? I used to be pretty out of control.... irresponsible and just didn't give a shit about anyone, at times barely my own well being. I was up for living it up and had no reason to save face ever... but it cost me pretty dearly. My independence and freedom I had embraced were ripped out from under me, which was a blessing in disguise, but that doesn't make it any easier. I have really tried to keep myself busy with activities that don't involve drinking because they seem to just bring back that longing for the night life lifestyle again which is not possible or wanted for that matter. It is just hard to get up everyday and say ok this is what I have to do now. I can't just hop up and go run an errand anymore... there is a process.... get baby, carseat, diaper bag, ... etc....
I love my life as a mom it just really hits you in the gut sometimes how different life has become and how things you never dreamed would be any more awkward or difficult suddenly are... such as dating. I guess this has sprung up from recent meetings and greetings that have left me feeling like a damn giddy school girl with a crush but feeling in the back of my head it will never work so why even try? What could we possibly have to offer each other? He isn't ready to handle this responsibilty..... and then there is the distance.
I heard a song recently that kind of suits me right now... I love it so I'll send off with the lyrics

I've been roaming around Always looking down at all I see Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach You know that I could use somebody You know that I could use somebody Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak Countless lovers under cover of the street You know that I could use somebody You know that I could use somebody Someone like you Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat I hope it's gonna make you notice I hope it's gonna make you notice Someone like me Someone like me Someone like me, somebody Someone like you, somebody Someone like you, somebody Someone like you, somebody I've been roaming around, Always looking down at all I see

Kings of Leon ... check em out

So not so much

I really figured that when I started this whole blog mess I would be on here more than appropriate, but actually this is only my second log in and I have put my blog to some shame =) Anyways... the days here are hotter than ever and being a profuse sweater this makes most drive homes unenjoyable to say the least.

My little child is growing in her third tooth and it is a vampire fang!! It is on the top portion of her mouth in the kanine section which is pretty odd, so here in a week or so she should be looking like a mini monster to match her attitude!!

One of my good friends dog died yesterday, well actually it was mauled by a neighbor dog and had to be put down. I honestly had to hold back tears when I heard this. This little dog has been in all of our lives for over 12 years and became a part of the fam. It is sad to think he had to die in such a vicious way.

In other news... I have been having some off the wall dreams lately and I am not sure why? They are only dreams but they still make you wonder.............